snow.

okay, so let me tell you something about me: i'm always cold. ALL THE TIME. like, wearing-three-layers-to-walk-around-my-apartment, constantly-craving-hot-baths cold. and i'm starting to wonder if i've done something to deserve it. am i a bad person? am i too impatient with the kids i teach in sunday school? (i totally am, but i'm working on it, okay?) am i mean to my husband without knowing it? i can change. i can change, i promise. because the weather and the temperature never do what i want. ever.

i live in the northern part of our lovely country and it snows more than any state has any right to snow. i don't dislike snow, as long as i don't have to go outside in it. but that's not usually an option. and the thing is, it's not just continuous snow. if i knew exactly when it was going to be snowing, i might be okay (i might even be able to suffer through the point where the snow on the ground is no longer pretty, but is instead a brown slushy layer). 

pretty snow...

...significantly less pretty snow.

but that's not what happens. the snow will gradually fade out. the weather will be gorgeous for like a week, as it should be in march and april. april showers, right? not april avalanches. i will get super excited that finally the weather is going my way. 

and then, the next day, IT SNOWS. 
it knows. i swear it knows.



i hope you're having the dandiest of mays.

i do.

i love looking at wedding dresses. i'm already married (to the hottest man on earth) but i have a few friends who are now starting to move in that direction. so, naturally, i have taken it upon myself to use this opportunity as an excuse to look nonstop at all kinds of wedding dresses. and, obviously, to overdose on Say Yes to the Dress.

i'm lds, which means a lot of things, but in this case, it means that i like to wear clothes with sleeves and just decent coverage in general. i googled "wedding dresses with sleeves" and here's the majority of what came up:

these are not sleeves. they only think they are sleeves. they are actually two little chunks of lace the designer felt bad throwing away.

there are some really really gorgeous gowns out there. flattering, sophisticated, and just overall perfect...and then there are the not-so-gorgeous gowns. i feel kind of bad saying that, because i'm sure that some of the dresses i look at and wrinkle my nose at are perfect for someone else.

take this one, for example. maybe someone out there really likes this awkward pink corset/petticoat dress. maybe for them, it's The One.

or this one. but i have nothing to say about this one. i am genuinely speechless.

and here's what i'd like to tell this gem:
1: you are overcompensating, and
2: everyone can tell.

and another thing. have you ever looked for prom dresses with sleeves? it can be really rough. primarily because you turn up with a lot of dresses like this.

see what i mean? if i had turned up at my wedding in any of these dresses i think my husband probably would have said "i don't," or maybe, "you can't make me."

now disclaimer. if you have fallen in love with any of the dresses you've just heard me make fun of, that's okay. i will not judge you. i'm really picky about my dresses. if you love something that i don't, i'm happy for you.

i will leave you with a slightly better taste in your mouth. some gorgeous gowns (in my opinion...)

happy saturday.

out of the mouth of babes.

so my husband and i teach sunday school every sunday to a group of five-year-olds. two hours of interaction with these cute little humans. two hours of loud noises and runny noses.

it's fun, but it's actually really intimidating. what if they don't like me, not for personal reasons, but because i didn't bring cookies? what if they like my husband better than me? (they totally do. it's because he does this thing where he picks them and their chairs up and moves them to sit around the little table when we color and it's a fun ride to them. i just do not have that kind of muscle.) because the thing about kids is that they don't sugar coat anything. they tell you what they're thinking and they will neither care nor notice how it makes you feel. i am still trying to decide how i feel about that aspect of children.

and let me just say- the option of praying with your eyes closed is a luxury not afforded to sunday school teachers.

things that happen in sunday school on a regular basis:

conversations like this:    
     question -why do we wear shoes?
     child #1 -so we don't step on pokies in the ground!
     child #2 -you might step on a cat and it might claw your feet.
     child #3 -my grandma has a cat!
     child #4 -i have a grandma! but she doesn't have a cat.

things like this:
     maybe you might be trying to teach the kids what it's like to listen to the spirit telling you what to do instead of what the world tells them to do. maybe that involves walking through a maze with a blindfold on, only you can't find a blindfold so instead you just put pillowcases over their heads. only since they're five, maybe the pillowcase falls past their knees. maybe one little girl gets upset because she's scared of the dark. congratulations. you've just terrified an adorable little girl. during sunday school. at church.

situations like this:
     there are twenty minutes left in class. you are out of teaching material. the following ensues: two games of red-light-green-light. one game of simon says. coloring page.

and situations like this:
     maybe you ask who wants to say the closing prayer. maybe all of the kids raise their hands and shout that they want to. so you let them. all of them. five closing prayers. in a row.

observations like this:
     nothing will ever be as cool to a child as the new watch that they got for their birthday. you will feel like a heartless fool if you deny them their request to pass it around the class so that everyone else can see it too. this includes yourself, obviously, and you will feel the need to make a big deal about how cool that watch is so that you can see their little face light up.

but also things like this:
     you walk into class and sit down and the little girl with the pigtails will run up, unexpectedly throw her arms around your neck, kiss you on the cheek, and tell you she loves you.

sometimes these kids make me baby hungry. other times they're a fool proof birth control. 

happy wednesday friends.

     

     

fashionista.

i don't consider myself much of a fashion girl. i mean i like clothes, but i don't like spending money, and unfortunately the two are mutually exclusive. or at least they are if i correctly understand the term "mutually exclusive." and something unfair that i've noticed about clothing is that all the cute, classy clothes are EXPENSIVE. want to look like a hooker? here, ten dollars. want to look like a lady in a simple dress? i'll just take your dowry and first born child.

$15.00- wet seal. cheap hooker (sorry wet seal, it's nothing personal.)

$2,000.00- victoria beckham collection. 

who even has 2,000 to spend on a DRESS?

i do think that your clothes should say something about you, even if that something is "i like purple" or perhaps "i provide relatively inexpensive 'services'" or maybe "i dyed all of my clothes black in an attempt to look like all the other kids who hate their lives." so, without further ado, a (long) (REALLY long) list of clothing that speaks volumes about who i am:

cute, friendly, and creative. 

amen.

they're in love. who doesn't love love?

oh dwight, you fiend.

my favorite episode was easily the one where
ponyta evolved into rapidash on the final
stretch of the race, thus leading ash to victory. 

r2-d2 will forever be the cutest robot.

i just really like cupcakes, okay?

see seahorse sweater.

this one made the list because it's gorgeous.
all you really need in your closet is yellow and flowers.

word.

this speaks to my soul.

fantastic.

also fantastic.

i do enjoy a good flannery o'connor reference. 

you tell em.

it's true. i don't.

my man will forever make fun of me for being a hufflepuff, so this gryffindor cardigan is just for him. but i am not ashamed. i know in my heart that hufflepuff is the house for me.

so yes, i guess you could say i'm less than super fashionable. i've worn the same worn out moccasins for four years because they're so ridiculously comfortable. the sole on the left shoe is falling off, actually. it's kind of bumming me out. i like t-shirts because i don't have to worry about pit stains. i know, i know; elegant. i will wear absolutely anything if it means staying warm in the cold. i actually have a pair of grey slippers, grey sweats, and a grey sweatshirt and when i wear them all my husband says i look like a little elephant, in a non-fat way. he thinks i'm cute. 

happy april.

ps- if you read this entire post, i am really proud of you, but also a little worried that you're not being as productive as you could be. but only a little worried. mostly i'm proud.

swoop swoop.

one fell swoop: the name of what would undoubtedly be the coolest band around, if i were to start a band. it has become fairly apparent that starting said band is not in my future, so my ultra-cool name got demoted to blog status.

i've always wanted a blog but i'm not cool enough to travel, so no travel journal, and i don't have kids, so a mommy blog is out of the question. i can't cook (bar cereal and macaroni and cheese, obviously) so no cooking blog. i could blog about eating but i can't afford the kind of food that's worth blogging about.

promising, i know. but hang in there. although it's really possible that you're wasting your time reading this, it's also a little bit possible that you're not.

i recently invested in an iphone. i wish i could say that this was a lifelong dream finally realized, but really, they just don't sell flip phones anymore. i love me some flip phones. this new non-flip-phone is  nice and shiny and i would like it to stay that way, so i've been searching for the perfect case. i'm not sure what i want, but after my search, i know exactly what i don't want. please be warned: some of the following are really awesome. some of them are really not.

 

pokemon. excellent choice. i personally find it hard to resist a little squirtle every now and then.

is han solo ever NOT attractive? in the words of my husband concerning the rumored return of harrison ford, carrie fisher, and mark hamill to the future star wars movie: "i could care less about the other two. just give me back my ruggedly handsome harrison ford!"

i guess i'm just confused. about everything. this is not acceptable. not even a little bit.

so here's my thing with this. if it were a really bad rendition of something else--ANYTHING else--it would be an unfortunate but somewhat humorous mistake. however, it is trying to be boobs. this is what it was actually supposed to look like. and i just don't understand. my heart goes out to whatever factory worker had to physically create this lumpy rubber thing.


ideally, i would get a cute little yellow floral vera bradley case. but i would rather buy a week's worth of groceries, for like half the price. especially since my fruits and veggies get expensive in the winter. everybody knows that it's not avocado season, but i can't help it. they're so creamy and delicious and who doesn't like guacamole? or just avocado straight out of the skin, i'm not picky.

happy friday kids.